Disclaimer: This reviewer confesses to have watched Twilight, and even read the book. He fast-forwarded through most parts of New Moon and never bothered to watch Eclipse and Breaking Dawn Part 1. That said, he is a great fan of the soundtracks. He has always maintained that he wouldn't watch the Twilight movies unless someone paid him to. That day has finally come. With very little knowledge about the plot of the previous three entries, he hopes you will appreciate this perspective.
From my own experience and from the universal critical hatred, I have come to expect bad things from the Twilight movies.. very bad things. I have most successfully managed to avoid them till now. Breaking Dawn Part 2 brings to end a series that is as fiercely loved as it is hated. I walked in with very low expectations. I am happy the film didn't give me too many reasons to dislike it.
The central conflict in Breaking Dawn is itself very thin. The Volturis, sort of a governing body for vampires, get the word that Cullens have a turned a little girl into a vampire. This, according to them, is an incredibly dangerous threat to the secrecy of their kind. Bella's new born is, in fact, a half-mortal, conceived when she was still a human. The little girl, with an awful portmanteau name Renesmee, grows six inches over a few weeks and her idiot, happily ignorant grandfather suspects nothing. You know what? Never mind with the plot. I don't fully understand it myself. Just bear in mind that the misinformed Volturis arrive at the doorstep of Cullens to set things right.
There are many ways to end a love triangle, comprising two men and a woman. You can kill off a guy and hook up the remaining two. You can bring a new girl and make two pairs. Or you can hook two people up, let them have a baby and hitch her to the guy who remains solo. Yes, Breaking Dawn does exactly that! Trying to rationalize one of the most WTF plot lines in the history of WTF plot line, Jacob The Big Dog ultimately finds love in a hopeless place. He is said to have "imprinted" something on Bella and Edward's two day old baby, making her his bitch for life. As if trolls didn't have enough cud to chew on.
The first hour involves Cullens recruiting Vampires and forming a private army to fight the Volturis. A freak show soon ensues, with weirdos from different corners of the world reaching out to offer their services. Any one who can tell their good movies apart from the bad ones is very much likely to roll his eyes dry. Right from the clunky dialogues to equally creative acting, most part of the movie is pure torture. But, wait, it's not all that bad. The whole part leading up to the final, climactic battle may be painfully boring, but what follows is deliciously fun. I am surprised how much enjoyable the whole sequence was. Michael Sheen's goofiness definitely added to the experience. And to top all that with a twist which I so did not see coming.. well played!
I cannot promise you a good time, but Breaking Dawn is definitely an adaptation which will satisfy the fans. Avoid it if you can, but if the girlfriend is too persistent, just go. Sit through the first half; trust me it surely gets better. It is only a matter of time before Hollywood, tweenage girls and a few boys with weird taste in movies find themselves another franchise to collectively orgasm over. I am just thankful the series is over.